tip #1. put your trash in the proper waste bin.
#2 save plastic bags. reuse them for waste bins or when bringing clothes to laundry shops.
#3 eat only what you can consume. don’t waste food.
#4 don’t smoke, it only adds up to the smog in the city.
#5 be thrifty in using tissue paper. who knows how many logs were used to made those.
Hmm… Someone posted this question a few days ago on my friendster
account. I reposted it and then the question popped in my head again..
Well,
at first I found it hard to answer that question. It has already been
two years since I broke up with my ex. It’s not that I haven’t gotten
over him yet. Hey, two years is a lot of time huh, and i’m way way over
the guy. But yes, indeed it left scars. It left a shadow. A shadow of
doubt and fear. I became afraid, to trust, to love.
I have dated
guys counting more than what my fingers and toes could hold, but none
of them gave me the "it" feeling. Some are too arrogant, some are too
nice. Looks doesn’t really bring a big issue, but I realized that what
I am looking for is a "real man".
Unluckily, I still am not able
to meet Mr. R (R stands for "real"). Unlike any other girl, I don’t
want someone who would simply utter sweet words, and crack jokes,
making a fool of himself for me, just to impress me. Just like Shania
Twain those things don’t impress me much. I simply want someone, who is
man enough to be true to himself, tell me the truth when I really look
fat or if my dress doesn’t look good on me. someone who will not try
to contradict my thoughts, instead he’d just listen and allow me to
make up my mind, because hey my brain’s not a nutless nutshell.
Trust.
It is a big issue. Guess because it has been broken a lot of times. and
I find it hard to trust anyone except the God above and myself of
course. If the guy is too sweet, I might think he’s either gay or a
player. And if he isn’t, I might think he’s numb and insensitive.
Destiny.
Well, i’m kind of perplexed about this thing. Believing that someone
out there was born for you. duh? I don’t think so. Commitment is not a
solo plight, both of you has to work for it. It’s not destiny, it’s
your own will. You have to meet each other half way. You have to feel
the same for each other in order to achieve it.
Perfectionist.
No i’m not. I even downsized my criterion one time. But realized that
you should never lower you criterion ever, because it is something you
hold that would make people respect you.
I’ve been thinking
real hard why I chose to remain single. eventhough I envy sometimes
those with partners. Then I realized, it’s because I don’t want to be
taken for granted anymore. I don’t want to be fooled anymore. I don’t
want someone crushing my heart anymore. I don’t want to waste time on
someone who doesn’t even consider me being a part of his life. I
don’t want to be a trophy. I don’t want to be anbody’s doll. I don’t
want to be just a choice. I don’t want to be just another ex. I am
getting older and I no longer want some sweetie, cutie stuffs.
And
all I wanted was someone who values friendship, respect, trust and God.
Someone who doesn’t simply play around. Someone who will stay true to
his word. Someone who is willing to hold my hand, looking at the same
direction while trudging the paths ahead.
Unluckily, Mr.Real is nowhere to be found yet. And that explains why my status is the way it is..
march 16, right after duty, I went straight to the hospital chapel. It was palm Sunday. It actually signals the start of the holy week. A time to reflect on our lives. And so I did.
This is actually the time to let go of the grudges, and bitterness I have. Forgive the people who have hurt me, forgive myself and ask God to forgive me for all my sins.
Actually, before the holy week, I attended a recollection held by UST since it is a Catholic institution, all its employees are required to attend such activity. It was actually a wake up call for me. At that time, I was really in need of God’s guidance, I was so confused about a lot of things. Hatred had eaten me up and I need to be freed from all the grudges I have.
One phrase that the priest had mentioned struck me most. “mamamatay ka rin.” he said. And yes, everything in this life is temporary because soon we will all die. And I was there, thinking of my fate, how bad my life has been, how hurt I was because of people who abused me. I realized, just like me, they will all die too but I should not worry about them instead I should worry about myself. How good have I been in God’s eyes, how good have I been to other people. Sometimes I even think that allowing other people to hurt me is also a in because amongst all things we should also love ourselves.
Everything in this life is temporary. It is true. For now, the pain I am feeling will soon be gone. Even the jollity I feel can also subside. Sunshine is very attractive but we also need rain. Everything in this life has a purpose. We decide for our lives and we just have to be ready with each consequence. The important thing is we always put our faith in the Lord.
From dust we have come, to dust we shall all end. We will never know when our time is up but before that happens, we should do everything in our power to be good in God’s eyes.
I’m neither close nor near from what they call happiness. Contentment is a word I still haven’t adapted yet. For 24 years of being a wandering soul I still do not have a gist of what my purpose in life is. I’ve always been thinking about goals,both long and short term, but still marveling about where it will lead me.
When I was a kid I wanted to teach, because I longed to be heard. I’ve always fancied being surrounded by my students, who when they grow up will remember me as someone who has left color in their lives. I even practiced teaching when I was alone in my room with my sister as my interim student.
When I was in high school, my passion was extremely driven in arts. at 12, I learned how to play guitar. I started writing poems when I was in grade school but I wrote my first song when i was 13 years old. I remember me and my gal friends used to form a band, and we tried to play my song at my best friend’s house just for fun and hanging out. I was also so fond of architectural designs, I even practice designing my own house. I also like designing clothes, making my own accessories and even making a new dress out of an old one. I also was a member of the glee club. During college I was also a member of the college choir on my freshmen year and then transferred to the dance troupe on my sophomore year. Art was my passion.
When I went to college,due to some reasons I wasn’t able to take up architecture instead I took up psychology first, because I was so undecided about my career. Then an opportunity came and my aunts offered me take up nursing which made me hesitant at first because I used to be so afraid at the sight of blood. And then, I still shifted to nursing, i just took the challenge at first, just because I want to prove that I can take any challenge. although, as days go by, I realized the essence of being a nurse. the course I took did not only open for a lot of great career opportunities instead it opened my eyes to the real world, most especially with the value of life.
In my present career, I have handled adults and children alike. I have heard the last breath and heartbeats of men, women and even a newborn child. I am able to experience everyday how a new sprout of human life is being brought out in this world, how each patient survives each catastrophic event in their lives, how a mother hugs her crying baby, a woman holding the hand off her dying father, a man holding the hand of his wife in labor and rejoicing at the birth of their newborn child. And it is just so amazing how I am able to witness these magnificent miracles of God.
I am now 24, not too young, not too old, but still has a long journey to go. A few months from now, I might have my own child, travel to another country for work, get married if the right person comes along. I’m still uncertain of what’s going to happen in the next few chapters of my life. And I can not say that I’m already contented with my life because everyday I yearn to learn more and to explore the world. My journey towards finding happiness is still on course. And I’m just here, awaiting the next blow in the wind of my life.
Yesterday night, me and my colleagues were talking about a good book to read. I told my friend that I was dying to read inspirational books like Og Mandino’s publications. Then I also mentioned Bo Sanchez. So one of them,Kooky, offered to lend me one of Bo Sanchez’s books entitled “Your past does not define your future”.
Not known to them, the book was really meant for me. At this time, I really need intense healing. Intense, which means, from the very core of my soul. I have been confused these past few days. I even wanted to join a Christian Ministry because I really need guidance as of the moment. I was so desperate with what’s happening with my life. A few weeks from now, I’ll be celebrating my 25th birthday, but I still ask my self, “where am I leading?”.
Almost everyone of us experienced failure. No one can ever say that they have never experienced pain. And maybe the reason why some people to continue being hurt is because they allow them selves to get hurt, by other people, by not doing something. Yet what is really necessary is thy love of self. It is not merely being a narcissistic ego maniac, but to love one’s self as God would love us. That is what I realized.
For years, I have been crying my self to sleep. thinking why all these are happening in my life. Why is there injustice? Why do people get envious of other people’s success and try to pull them down? Why did such a tragedy have to happen to my family? Why am I not able to achieve my real dreams? Why do I have to live to other people’s expectations? Why don’t I have any chance to pursue what I really want? Why are my past relationships failures? Why am I always abused?
I realized maybe all these happened, maybe I was hurt because I allowed other people to hurt me. I allowed them to govern my life. I always think of myself as unique and free-spirited, but every hurt, every pain I experience are slowly wounding my wings, that I somehow forgot that I was flying. I have forgotten which path to take. I always thought that everything happening in our lives has a purpose and it is God’s will, but then we are given intellect to rule our own lives and make God our guide. Every action we do entails a responsibility.
I have never wanted to hurt other people’s feelings. Yet, I never wanted them to affect me in any other way too, That is why I created my own barrier from bad people, so that whatever they do against me will never make me feel anything, neither anger nor hurt. Although, I know it is painful when they try to hurt me, I suppressed the feeling and went back to my sanctuary, my own numb self. But apart from my conscious mind, my unconscious mind is eating up my system, the old free-spirited me lost its spirit. I became a wandering soul.
The book made me feel that I am not alone, that I am not the only person hurting. And it gave light to me, showing me that I have someone who has always been there for me. Although I acknowledge Him, but I was not that close to Him. I remained sinful and alone because I never seek His guidance. So it happened, I was reintroduced to a former friend, my father, my God.
I know healing takes time. Each day will be a struggle for me to heal my wounds. To forgive my self for not safeguarding my soul. and to forgive the people who hurt me most. At this moment, I am still on the process of realizing my sins to God and to my self and forgiving my self for doing so. Forgiving others would take another long process. I would be a hypocrite if I say that I have really forgiven them when they do not acknowledge their faults, and when I still haven’t forgiven my self.
Everything has its own time. I know, with God’s guidance, everything will fall into its righteous place, in His own time.
some words are better left unsaid, some things better left hanging. i thought so. but reality bites, though truth hurts one must accept it to be able to move on.
sometimes you have to swallow your pride to be able to know the truth and when it’s right in front of your face, it makes you cry. you get drowned in your own tears. but when the crying stops and tears are gone and you’re back to your own self again. you laugh the heartache off. and tadah! another chapter in your book of love begins. although there’s always uncertainty in love, what’s good is that you take the risk. and when you take that risk and fail, at least you gave it a try.
no one ever said that falling in love is easy. no one ever said that it will never hurt. but you’re just human, and falling in love is both destiny and choice.
Destiny? because who would have known that amongst all the billions of people on earth that person was there on the right time and right place but if he is the right person? that is the question left for you to decide. because you have the choice to let that person walk away or make him/her stay.
broken heart? yes, it leaves wounds. but these wounds will heal and leave scars. but these scars aren’t supposed to make us weaker, instead it should be a constant reminder that the mistakes done in the past should not be repeated, in short it should serve as a "lesson". it should never be a reason for us to hurt others just because we have been hurt once. some people are lucky to find the right person at the right time and right place and were never able to get their hearts broken a zillion times. but it wasn’t only because it was written in the stars, but because they were lucky enough that both of them decided to make it work, and stood for it.
on Love? well, take the risk. but be careful with your heart. sometimes it’s better to think a zillion times before you end up getting you heart broken the 2nd, 3rd, or the nth time around..
the first time i saw him..
his eyes glittered..
his smile was gorgeous..
we clicked..
same likes..
same hobbies..
can’t stop chatting..
he was all i could ever ask for..
he knocked me off my feet..
he knows how to listen..
knows how to tickle..
he was great..
but sadly..
he can’t be mine..
I wanted to stroke your black hair
look at those chinese eyes
pinch your nose and touch thy lips
yet i’m just here…
loving you from afar…
afraid that you catch me looking at you..
if you only knew how much your smile mean to me.
each time you wave your hand to say hi, i’m overjoyed..
and whenever you look at me as if wanting to tell me something…
if you only knew, how happy i am,
that time we sat down together for an hour
and talk about anything we could possibly think of
unaware that everything around is toxic…
if you only knew, how i dreaded to see your face
each time i go to work, praying i’ll meet you at the corridor,
just to s
ee you smile at me and ask how i am…
if you only knew, how special I feel that amongst all,
it was only me whose name you have remembered,
and have treated me kindly ever since..
if you only knew, how i wanted to stop this insanity,
yet i am enjoying every minute of it..
if you only knew…
played around with many boys
dealt with them like they were toys
wasted
my time with them and
i felt empty in the end
i’ve been up and i’ve been down
i’ve been feeling like a clown
still i’m lonely all this time
waiting for the love of mine
and i feel like i’m losing again
waiting for someone to bring me to heaven
and i feel like i’m losing my head
will there be someone to love me?
will there be someone?
It was with my voice he got attracted to. Doesn’t really care how i look like. It was fun talking to him. It was crazy, the long hours we spent on the phone, talking from dusk til dawn. He always wanted to hear me sing. I lulled him to sleep. He told me he loved me. And that I was special. But I was stupid. The day we met, of course he was still trying to adjust. maybe that’s why we felt awkward. but i said ’sorry’, a single word that ruined everything. And there I was watching love walk away from me. I just let him walk away. Goodbye my love, goodbye.
